Thoughts on my way to work: “Make Them Happy And You Make Them Good”
By Dr Amelita C. Brillantes
January 2009
The summer after graduation from Grade VII, our year book ASSUMPTA 1976 became one of my favorite reading materials. In it were our pictures in gala uniform, our formal names (Amelita Geisha Catalan y Levardo), birthdays, addresses, ambitions, and a quote from each of us.
“Make them happy and you make them good” was a quote from a classmate who was a quite, simple, ordinary girl - much like me. What kind of a quote is that, I thought. How unsophisticated. Unlike one that says “I cried and cried because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet” or the other one “God, grant me the courage to change the things that I can change, the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Wow. To a 13 yr old, those words were profound.
Over the years, I have come to appreciate the depth and veracity of such a simple quote. “Make them happy and you make them good.” When one is “happy”, it is because one is at peace with himself- and one is able to be more loving and understanding, able to overlook another’s fault, and focus on what is good and positive. One would be more willing and able to forgive.
When one is un”happy”- one tends to be hypercritical over minute mistakes, easily provoked, unreasonable, explosive. One will tend to gloss over negatives, unwilling or unable to forgive. The days when one is at odds with one’s neighbors, those are the days when one is most at odds with himself. One simply cannot give what one does not have.
Gawad Kalinga reports a decrease in crime rates and increased productivity among recipients of their housing projects. It may be not only because their dignities has been restored with decent homes, but also because they are “made happy” to be recipients of such a package of love and care.
Of course human happiness is not a permanent static state. Nor is it something you wish for then sit waiting till kingdom come for it to alight on you. I am coming to realize that happiness is actually a choice. There will always be negatives and irritants in life. On the way to work, there is the driver who recklessly cuts into your lane who manages to wreck your mood and your day- if you so allow it. And yet there are the other hundreds of motorists who stick to their lanes and who follow the rules allowing orderly movement of traffic. They never ever manage to enter our consciousness, entirely eclipsed by the one reckless driver. In the clinic there is the arrogant patient with their hundred-and-one questions, fresh from browsing the internet about their diseases, challenging our decisions every step of the way. They always manage to disrupt our peace, if we let them. Along side them are the many more patients who put their trust and their lives into our hands who come bearing gifts from bags, shoes and perfumes to baskets of balut and itlog na pula in thanksgiving for us saving their lives. At home there is the yaya who never seems to get what we want, along side the other yayas who are efficient, loyal, and able to anticipate our needs even before we need them. It is only a matter of choosing who to look at and who to relegate to our peripheral vision; which memories to store and which to delete; which messages to save, which to erase.
I read somewhere recently: Happiness needs to be practiced, like the violin. How true!
Thoughts on my way to work: on Children
By Amelita C. Brillantes, MD
In the afternoons when I go down from my Silang clinic, the street is already teeming with vendors with merchandise of all sorts: fresh vegetables, hairpins and ornaments, cell phone accessories, slippers, shiny wall-sized posters unmistakably made in
In the car on the way home, I can’t stop brooding over the fact that this very young girl is out there selling tomatoes for a living, learning the way of the world at such a tender age, and she didn’t seem to mind. Still practically a baby and a girl at that, there she was – already a merchant out in the crowded street, dealing with strangers, handling money loaded with “germs” , when she should be home playing with Barbie dolls.
That set me off to thinking about our own children. At 10, our children would still be safely cocooned in their soft safe, “sterile” world: driven to and from school with yaya in tow, not allowed to go out of the gate by themselves, not allowed to talk with strangers, and they’d only have the faintest idea about money since they are given everything they need. Our children would generally be shielded from the bad news of the world. They’d only hear of harsh bites bit-by-bit from TV Patrol, and are gently eased into the adult world with firm, supportive hands.
Would the child vendor be better equipped in becoming a full-fledged adult? Or is she greatly disadvantaged by the early loss of her childhood? What about the internists’ child? Will material adequacy always give them an edge in life? Or will their Polly pockets and their PSPs do them a disservice by lulling them into complacency and dependency? Jose Rizal who was sent to a boarding school and traveled over
As parents, we will do all we humanly can to lead our offspring to the right path. Then we can only hope and pray that whatever strategy we use will work. In the end, we will be comforted by the thought that our children are their own persons. We can try to mold, train, suggest, recommend, but ultimately they will make their own choices, just as we ourselves do.